What is that? A thing to eat?

Christianitis

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 02:47:15 GMT

A psychological disorder that affects millions of people around the globe. Symptoms include the belief in imaginary friends-- one of which is called "God". People affected by this disorder generally attempt to spread the disease by word of mouth to any people that are not deaf. People who have Christianitis are dualists who believe that the only correct information in the universe comes from a single book. This book was supposedly written by the primary imaginary friend called "God" and is based not on scientific fact but rather on fairy tales and fantasy. The characters described in this book, which people who have Christianitis believe to be factual beings, have life spans of several hundred years and are sometimes capable of rising from the dead. No, the characters are not zombies, they are portrayed as humans. Christianitis is now a pandemic and the only known cure is logic, reason, and science. However, most cases of Christianitis are too far developed to be cured.

(I posted this to Urban Dictionary today so it will hopefully be up soon)
(P.S. There will be more definitions coming, e.g. Mormonitis, Americanitis, Evangelicalitis)

LIBRO

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 03:53:12 GMT

I´m publishing a book.
I´ll probably have to flee the country for a while afterward.
And I´m sure it will offend all of you mother fuckers. Yes, even you.

Ethics: Animal Rights and Welfare

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 02:58:12 GMT

"Half the dogs in America will receive Christmas presents this year, yet few of us pause to consider the miserable life of the pig--an animal easily as intelligent as a dog--that becomes the Christmas ham."
-Michael Pollan

If you are interested in animal rights/welfare arguments, I suggest you read the works of:
Peter Singer
Tom Regan
James Rachels
Steven M. Wise
Joy Williams
Matthew Scully

If you are interested in arguments against animal rights/welfare, I would suggest the philosophers:
Michael Pollan
Descartes
Julian H. Franklin

Big Mac with Cheese meal

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 08:58:25 GMT

I never expected this to happen, but I just placed an order at McDonalds.

Niece #2

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 22:58:23 GMT

Lucinda Marie
Born Saturday, 23/09/2006

My Monty

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 17:44:46 GMT

I miss my Monty.

Vermont Fom Cyprus Rauch
December 30, 1992-January 11, 2006

man on the street

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 01:03:15 GMT

As I was leaving the grocery store today, a strange looking man dressed entirely in black approached me.

"Will you sign my picture for me?"
"I'm sorry?" I asked, looking at a giant stack of colored plastic frames in his hands.
"Will you sign my picture?" he asked again, this time standing very close to me with a framed photo of Marilyn Monroe on the top of the stack.
"Sure," I said.
"Okay, write, 'I will always love you Hank' signed 'Norma Jean'."

So I scribbled it on the plastic that covered the photo with the sharpie he handed to me.

"That's pretty good, thanks."

He walked off and immediately approached another woman to ask her the same favor.

Mexico, etc...

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 05:53:12 GMT

I'm going to write a book about all of my fan-fucking-tastic vacations.

URGENT ALERT

Sun, 14 May 2006 06:04:46 GMT

DEAR FELLOW REPUBLICAN:

    WE ARE AT RISK OF LOSING CONTROL OF THE SENATE TO ULTRA-LIBERALS.

    I WANT TO IMPLORE YOU TO JOIN OUR URGENT NATIONAL CAMPAIGN TO STOP A LIBERAL DEMOCRAT TAKEOVER OF THE UNITED STATES.

    HISTORICALLY, THE PARTY OF THE PRESIDENT LOSES A SIGNIFICANT NUMBER OF SEATS IN CONGRESS DURING THE SECOND OFF YEAR ELECTION AFTER A PRESIDENT WINS REELECTION.

    ADD TO THAT POWERFUL HISTORICAL TREND THE FACT THAT THE PRESIDENT'S APPROVAL RATINGS ARE CURRENTLY LOW, AND WE ARE AT RISK OF HANDING THE CONTROL OF THE SENATE OVER TO SOME OF THE MOST LIBERAL DEMOCRATS EVER TO HOLD OFFICE IN AMERICA.

    IF THE LIKES OF SENATORS HILLARY CLINTON, HARRY REID, BARBARA BOXER, CHUCK SCHUMER, TED KENNEDY AND THE OTHER LEADING LIBERALS SEIZE CONTROL OF THE SENATE, IT WILL MEAN A DRAMATICALLY DIFFERENT DIRECTION FOR AMERICA.

    UNDER SUCH LIBERAL LEADERSHIP, I FEAR FEDERAL SPENDING AND THE DEFICIT WOULD EXPLODE.

    ALSO, NOT ONLY WOULD THERE BE NO CHANGE TO EXTEND THE CURRENT TAX CUTS THAT ENDED THE RECESSION, BUT EVERY AMERICAN WOULD FACE BACK BREAKING/CLASS-WARFARE INCITING TAX INCREASES.

    WORST OF ALL, I FEAR THAT THEY WOULD ADOPT THE POSITION THAT WE CAN ONLY GO AFTER TERRORISTS AFTER THEY HAVE AGAIN ATTACKED US.

    IF YOU AGREE THAT OUR REPUBLICAN EFFORTS TO CUT SPENDING AND HOLD DOWN TAXES, SECURE OUR BORDERS, CURB ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION AND PURSUE THE TERRORISTS TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD ARE VITAL, I WANT TO URGE YOU IN THE STRONGEST TERMS POSSIBLE TO MAKE A SPECIAL CONTRIBUTION TODAY.

    IN A YEAR WHEN WE HISTORICALLY LOSE SEATS, WE FACE THE RISK OF BEING DRAMATICALLY OUTSPENT BY THE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS AND THEIR FAR LEFT ALLIES. THIS COULD SPELL DISASTER AND MEAN AN ULTRA-LIBERAL DEMOCRAT SENATE TAKEOVER.

    YOU CAN STOP IT. NEVER IN HISTORY HAS ONE POLITICAL CONTRIBUTION BEEN MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE ONE I AM ASKING YOU TO MAKE TODAY.

    I KNOW SOME REPUBLICANS ARE SO DISTRESSED BY THE THOUGHT OF HARRY REID, CHUCK SCHUMER AND A RESURGENT BARBARA BOXER RUNNING THE SENATE THAT THEY ARE SENDING $25, $35, OR $50.

    STILL OTHERS WHO UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF LOW TAXES TO OUR PROSPECTS FOR ECONOMIC GROWTH, AND UNDERSTAND THAT MOST LIBERAL REFORMS ARE NOTHING MORE THAN AN EXCUSE FOR A GOVERNMENT TAKEOVER AND MORE GOVERNMENT CONTROL OF OUR LIVES, ARE SENDING CONTRIBUTIONS OF $75, $100, OR EVEN $150 OR MORE.

YES, I UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE FACING A VERY TOUGH HISTORICAL TREND AND WITH THE PRESIDENT'S LOW POLL NUMBERS THERE IS THE VERY REAL THREAT THAT SENATORS HARRY REID, BARBARA BOXER AND THE OTHER ULTRA-LIBERAL DEMOCRATS WILL SEIZE CONTROL OF THE SENATE. TO STOP A LIBERAL TAKEOVER OF THE SENATE, I REALIZE THE #1 HELP OUR CANDIDATES NEED IS MONEY FOR TV AND GET-OUT-THE-VOTE. THAT IS WHY I AM ENCLOSING MY SPECIAL EMERGENCY CONTRIBUTION

NATIONAL REPUBLICAN SENATORIAL COMMITTEE
ATTN: ELIZABETH DOLE
425 SECOND STREET, NE
P.O. BOX 97112
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20077-7470

spider

Sat, 13 May 2006 01:46:27 GMT

JB, this is dedicated to you.

Unpleasant Surprises

Mon, 08 May 2006 04:55:16 GMT

    As I got into my car today, I swore I smelled what seemed to be an incredibly strong scent of ranch dressing. Of course, I don't eat ranch dressing, and am apparently rapidly and surely going insane, so I thought that perhaps I was imagining it. However, as the day progressed, not only did the smell become more pungent, but also started to follow me around. I could not for the life of me figure out why I was smelling ranch dressing. And I would not figure it out until the end of the night--after it was too late--when it dawned on me what I had done, or perhaps, neglected to do.

    Now, one might think I'm talking about forgetting to shower or maybe obliviously stepping in a pile of dog shit. That was not it though. It was such a simpler task.

    I realized what had happened and opened my backpack as soon as I got home. It was all over everything. The stench was unbearable. Even though I had opened my backpack several times earlier in the day, I had not noticed it until then and by that point it had smeared, smothered, and soaked all of my books. All of my papers I was going to use for my finals. All because of my neglecting to put the god damn hummus in the fridge.

mis pasiones

Sat, 06 May 2006 04:54:56 GMT

seashells
lovenotes
veganfood
heknowsme
quitewell

The Devil's Beatin' His Wife

Wed, 03 May 2006 05:31:53 GMT

That's a phrase that my paternal grandfather used to say when it would rain while the sun was out.
This was the first thing that came to mind today when it was raining in the hot sun.

This came up in my online search for the phrase--from uwm.edu

80. What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
a. sunshower (34.29%)
b. the wolf is giving birth (0.04%)
c. the devil is beating his wife (6.43%)
d. monkey's wedding (0.16%)
e. fox's wedding (0.15%)
f. pineapple rain (0.03%)
g. liquid sun (0.74%)
h. I have no term or expression for this (55.15%)
i. other (3.02%)
(10691 respondents)

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 00:40:09 GMT

Happy happy happy
happy happy calm
happy happy letter
happy happy palm
neutral happy happy
weird word happy happy
happy happy happy happy happy happy
happy happy happy happy happy happy
happy happy happy happy happy happy

If you write a word enough times in a repetitive manner,
Several things happen.

1. You begin to question the spelling because it looks strange
2. The word begins to lose its meaning
3. You get an all-over sense of creepiness when you look at the word
4. It might just be me who's going insane

one one one one one one one one one one one one
one one one one one one one one one one one one
one one one one one one one one one one one one
one one one one one one one one one one one one
now
two two two two two two two two two two two two
two two two two two two two two two two two two
two two two two two two two two two two two two
two two two two two two two two two two two two
two two two two two two two two two two two two

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 23:19:48 GMT

I just came to a concious realization:
Humans who pose for photographs look rediculous.
I don't ever want to see or be part of a posed photo again. Ever. Gross.
Just look at them.

I have known this subconciously for a long time.

Chelonia

Tue, 25 Apr 2006 04:31:10 GMT

Sea turtles
See turtles

I'm going to live with them for five months.
Goodbye.

Pollution

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 00:18:11 GMT

I am going to give a talk on pollution.
Our anthropocentric world is ever so charming.

ANGER

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 18:13:57 GMT

I absolutely LOVE really angry people.
They make me so overjoyed.

Please make an effort to be angry at me, the person who cut you off in traffic, god damned homos, your wife, your dog, your neighbor who parked in front of your house instead of theirs, your parents who wronged you in your youth, the television for having loud commercials, all doctors, people who stopped sending you holiday cards because of your rude actions toward them, etc.

Contrary to common beliefs,
it is actually healthy to harbor sentiments of anger and rage.
Try, instead of venting, to hold your emotions back until you snap.
It's a lot more interesting that way because who knows, you might hit or even kill someone then.
So do harbor those heated emotions because it's better for all of us.
Also, don't forget to be a narcissist and blame others for your problems and anger.

The Bible Belt

Mon, 10 Apr 2006 05:05:09 GMT

I was verbally whipped tonight with a figurative Bible Belt.
A nurse with whom I work interprets the bible as factual.
Somehow or other, she brought up the number 666.
I mentioned that some historians decided that that number was a misinterpretation.
That, according to them, the number is 616.
The woman glared at me, and in a condescending tone, told me
"Well that's not what the Bible says, and that's what I'm gonna follow."
She proceeded to proselytize for a good ten minutes.
7 is God's number for perfection.
He created the Earth in 7 days.
On the 6th day he created man.
3 is the holy number for blah blah blah.
You multiply 3 by 2 and you get six.
3 = The father the son and the holy spirit.
Satan was the most evil ever to exist.
God branded him with 666.
Adam was created 1000 years after blah.
Then, 1000 years after that was Noah.
Then, 1000 years after that was Blah.
Blah blah blah, religious nonsense,
1000 years. Then Jesus.
We are living 2000 years after Jesus Christ.
The Earth is 7000 years old.
The apocalypse is coming.

THE WOMAN BELIEVES THE EARTH IS 7000 YEARS OLD!

Let your God damn us all to hell if we are that fucking stupid.
I was under the impression that all educated people knew better than that.

*By the way, she is from Texas.

Untitled Dream

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 19:00:27 GMT

Standing on the beach on that frigid and rainy night,
I watched her stare into the dark horizon.
She held the letter in her hand, contemplating her fate.
Turning away from the sea, she came over to me.
She bestowed upon me her suicide note and walked away.

Questions 789,512 - 789,520

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 22:57:37 GMT

What would it be like to never before have seen something as simple as ice and be blatently introduced to it?
What would we do if we didn't have examples of intimacy and were put in a sexual situation for the first time?
What would happen if we grew up without learning world history and were faced with the idea of the Holocaust?
What would the world be like if there had never been the evolution of atmospheric oxygen?
What would happen if people were not brainwashed from a young age with the nonsense their predecesors believed?
What would the outcome of a paternity test be if two identical twin males had sex with the same woman on the same night and she became pregnant?
What day or time would it be if we did not use the calender system we use today?
What would school be like if the people were intelligent?
What color would my eyes be if I had more melanin?

Only if it concerns me

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 07:24:15 GMT

The US is an interesting place, to say the least.
We only become involved in something if it is in our direct interest.
We let WWII continue for years, or should we go by the death toll?
before we decided to get involved.
We abolished the Chilean socialist government under Allende in the 70s.
But we had to, they took control over ~~their own~~ our silver and gold mines.
The Middle East: we're there for ~~our own oil interests~~ their sake.
Most people think that Iraq or Israel house the largest conflicts today.

Too bad no one knows about the mass genocide,
more massive than the Holocaust,
that is occurring NOW in the Democratic Republic of Congo.

So, while we contemplate our own tragic and terrible lives,
filled with misery and misfortune,
let us continue to forget and ignore those who suffer,
Unheard.

Sin Título

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 08:51:30 GMT

Un hombre político

Un revolucionario

Un hombre socialista

Más pesimista que optimista

Un hombre con morales

Que disiente de los códigos sociales

Un hombre

Sin nombre

Un hombre

Que sufre de hambre

Un hombre sin raza

Un hombre sin casa

Un varón

Sin religión

Parecido a Che

Un hombre que,

En mi corazón

Tiene razón

Basidiomycetes

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 00:19:38 GMT

Hallucinogenic club fungus:
Probably the most fun drug I've ever done.
I've got to get myself another eighth of mushrooms soon.
So delicious...So hallucinogenic.

Awesome New Roomate

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 00:11:29 GMT

Here is a letter the new roomate wrote to us.
He has now been living here for about a week.
*NOTE: We have had the house at 60-65 degrees all semester. Now the new kid keeps turning it up to 75 and we cannot handle the heat.

Heyyy...

So I don't get cold very easily. Usually I walk outside in a T-shirt unless it's below 30 or something. That being said, it gets fuckin' FREEZING in my room, especially at night. This is why I've been trying to keep the thermostat above 70. Somebody keeps turning it back down though, maybe because it gets too hot in other rooms...or to save power or something I don't know. Anyways, whoever is turning it down, could we come to some kind of compromise? Talk to me or leave me a note, please.

-Jared

P.S. Sorry for the somewhat passive-aggresive note. I had to leave work today because I've developed a bad cold over the past couple nights. I'm typically very laid-back, I'm just starting to become concerned about my (and my rats') health.

Well, isn't that peachy?
Let me point out a few things.
1. You DO NOT get sick from temperature. I was fairly certain that was common knowledge now that we have modern medicine and microscopes.
2. Maybe, just maybe, no one in their right--or even wrong--mind want the heat that high. It is not summer.
3. Roomate #1 likes the temperature at 65, #2 at 60, #3 at 60. If we're talking a compromise here, let's take the average: 65. That is including your ridiculously high temperature.
4. Get a god damn space heater if you are so worried about your rat's health.
5. As far as I could tell when I went to NY, rats are pretty durable. I think it'll make it.